things haven't been going well at all. it seems like i feel worse by the second. i keep trying to talk to my midwife, but she keeps blowing me off. i told her that i was feeling absolutely huge. she said that i was a bit bigger than normal, but that she wasn't worried about it. she said she could tell though that i was nervous so she would schedule an ultrasound (i never made it to that because i was in the hospital). i guess this is all just normal...i've never been pregnant before, how the hell would i know? the pain in my side is unbearable. i've actually cried several nights because it hurts so much and i just can't sleep because of it. these gas pains are getting so bad too. i was walking around at work a couple days ago and i just felt horrible....horrible.
on thanksgiving night i couldn't take it anymore. my side hurt so much that i wanted to die. jay said that if i went up to the hospital they would probably just tell me that it's normal pregnancy (what they've been saying all along) and send me home. i decided that i wanted to go anyway...there's got to be something they can do about this pain.
i went to the labor and delivery floor. they said that this would be better than going to the ER. i saw the midwife and told her that the pain was just unbearable and i tried to convince her that i wasn't just being dramatic about it. she said to me, "well, unfortunately pregnancy sucks and we all have pains". (this is the midwife i mentioned earlier that told me to just go have sex and get pregnant...you know the one that got arrested for d.u.i.). after a while of being on the monitors she came back in and said that i was contracting quite a bit. it was like a light bulb went off -- oooooohhhhhhh, so THAT'S what those gas pains are. i feel pretty stupid now that i didn't realize it before, but like i said, this was my first pregnancy and i had no idea what i was feeling. so if those pains are actually contractions, i've been having a lot and for a long time. after checking me, she also said that i was dilated 1 cm. so they had to keep me overnight for monitoring.
i spent the next three days in the hospital. i was still contracting so much, but i wasn't dilating, so they said i wasn't in labor. everything is a blur from this time...i don't know what was wrong with me, but i just remember that i felt like i just wasn't comprehending things well. they would talk to me, and it was like i just didn't understand. i don't know if it was because i was in denial about the fact that something was wrong, or if all the problems i was having really was affecting my mental capacity. they ran a bunch of tests and told me that i had elevated liver enzymes, but they didn't know why. they said that i had polyhydramnios (too much amniotic fluid), but they didn't know why. they said i was contracting, but they didn't know why. i finally saw an actual doctor. this was the first doctor i had seen throughout the entire pregnancy. she told me that she would schedule a 3-hour glucose test for the following week to test for gestational diabetes, but she didn't think that that was the problem.
i was finally released three days after going in. i left there with no answers, extremely little information, a prescription to stop contractions, and scared. they told me that if i could make it up to 35 weeks that i could deliver at my local hospital, but if i went into labor before that they would have to send me to a hospital an hour and a half away that was able to handle a preterm birth. i needed to make it a week and a half to get to this 35 week mark.
i know it's selfish, and yet just another reason i'm going straight to hell, but i just want this to be over. i don't want to be pregnant anymore. i'm in so much pain that i just can't take it anymore. i just want this baby out and healthy so i can get back to normal and start being a mom.