ah yes, the 4:30 in the morning "i can't sleep" routine. why not make a post?
as part of my early-morning-can't-sleep-what-do-i-do-with-myself routine, i was just on the website of someone i know who lost a baby when he was i believe six months old or so. her baby was born extremely prematurely...23 weeks. he was so tiny. she has several pictures of him on there...from the very beginning when he was just over 1 pound, right up to the end when he passed away...much bigger, but still just unable to survive the complications of being born so early. i want to tell her how sorry i am. i want to cry for her.
mostly though, i just want to hold and kiss my living son. i'm only at the beginning of my story in this blog, but to sum it up i have four children, only one that is living. my living son is a miracle...in every way that you want to look at it. he has saved my life. he's saved jay's life. we have a reason again to wake up in the morning. we have a reason again to smile. nothing will cure our pain of losing our three other babies, but our living son...every day i want to cry because i love him so much and i just can't believe that he's here and healthy. sometimes i'm just so overcome with emotion. sometimes i feel like i can't handle how much i love him.
so after looking at my friend's website, i went into my son's bedroom, checked on him and gave him a kiss...even if it did wake him up.