i had my last appointment with the fetal cardiologist today. he was an old guy, which made me feel pretty good because it made me feel like he really knew what he was doing and knew what he was talking about. my mom went with me because jay couldn't miss any more work.
the cardiologist was really nice. i might just be saying that because he told me what i wanted to hear, but either way, i thought he was nice. he watched the baby's heart for a long time, and he said that he saw no evidence at all of an irregular heart beat, and that the bright spot didn't resemble a tumor at all. he said that he's seen a lot of tumors throughout his career, and he is pretty confident that this bright spot is not a tumor. he said that the potential hole doesn't look any different from a normal, healthy heart, so he's not too worried about it. i asked if we would need another echocardiogram after the baby is born. he said that he didn't think it would be necessary, but if it would put me more at ease he could do another after birth.
i was thrilled. my mom and i walked out of the office and i jumped up and down (as best i could being pregnant), and i gave her a high-five.
i've started to have a pretty severe pain in my upper back. it's gotten really bad. i tried to talk to my midwife about it, but she didn't seem too concerned. she said that back pain in pregnancy is extremely common. i tried to tell her that this pain is in my upper back, not my lower back where i have heard and read that most back pain happens. she doesn't really say anything and refers me to a physical therapist. i went to the physical therapist and he did an ultrasound treatment. it didn't help at all. he wanted me to come back every week, but it's $40 to do that! i just can't afford that.
about a week later i got back the results from the amniocentesis. they were negative for the disorder that causes heart tumors. i'm relieved that the results are negative and i'm relieved by what the cardiologist said at my last appointment. but i still just can't shake this fear. i'm still worried that something might be wrong. i don't know why i feel this way, but i do.