she's not aware of this, but ellen degeneres and i are best friends. so it's kind of a one-way friendship, but that's okay. what could be better? she's been there for me through really bad times, and i don't even have to get her a birthday present.
for a while there i broke up with ellen (for reasons that i'll get into later). however, i've recently decided to take her back and so i've been dvr'ing her show every day. i really love her show most of the time. so since we're best friends, i feel the obligation to give some criticism. again, what could be better? i can criticize all i want, and we don't get into a fight!
so the other day she was showing her "big truckin deal" and i got really mad at who she decided to bless with a new car and $10,000. it was a woman who sent in a video saying that she was in school and gotten pregnant by her boyfriend (fiance maybe, i don't know). the school didn't like this so they took away her scholarship and she and her partner have been struggling to make ends meet. then their car keeps breaking down so she was asking ellen for help. that's it? seriously, that's your sob story? you seem like a nice girl, but i have friends in my support group who would eat your story for a morning snack. ellen, i know it's your money to do what you please with, but damn dude, can't you find someone else who's having just a little bit rougher go of things? this woman got pregnant accidentally, and i'm in over $25,000 just trying to have a baby (ivf is a miracle, but it's also really frigging expensive). okay, let's not talk about me because i feel like a real ass saying i'm more deserving. what about the thousands of other people that are in debt up to their eyeballs trying to pay for fertility treatments, or trying to pay for the medical bills that come with having an unhealthy baby. i know there's millions of other situations that people are in, but my whole life revolves around having babies, so....
this brings me to reasons #67 and #68 that i'm going to hell....#67...it's ellen's money, not mine. she can do whatever she wants with it and it's not up to me to decide who to bestow kindness on. who am i to say that one person is more deserving than another? reason #68...i never stop to think that maybe other people have a story too. maybe this woman she gave the car and money to has had a lot of other problems that we don't know about. you NEVER know what someone has either gone through or is going through. if you look at me walking down the street you'd never know that i have three babies that have died.
my head tells me that i need to be much more understanding about stuff like this, but i'm human, and my heart kicks in, and jealousy raises its ugly head. the jealousy of this woman having a healthy baby and not having to work her ass off for it, not having to endure pure misery just to get there. she caught a break that ellen found her story compelling enough to give her stuff. jealousy. no wonder it's one of the 7 deadly sins.