Present Day: When I Win The Lottery....

this is a game that jay and i play all the time....we always dream of winning the lottery and then ask each other what we would do with our winnings.  of course, we don't buy lottery tickets, so the chances of this happening aren't as good as they could be, but still....it's a fun game to play.  yeah yeah yeah, i know...money won't buy you happiness.  believe me, i know this.  we just had the conversation about it tonight.  even if we won $20 million, it would be like...oh, that's good.  we will never say, "that's awesome, my dreams have come true, blah blah blah".  we know all too well that no amount of money in this world is going to bring back our three babies that have died. 

sorry, had to add in something depressing, lest you think you were reading the wrong blog!  but anyway, in honor of one of my favorite games, here's what i would do when i win the lottery, not really in any particular order, except #1. 

1.  pay off ALLLLLL my debt.  man, that would be nice. 

2.  build a house.  the older i get (the whopping 28 years old that i am), the less i want in a house.  when i was younger and started dreaming of playing house, i had big fancy ideas of what i wanted my dream house to be like.  no more...i want something pretty simple, but nice.  my requirements (since money will be no object once i have millions) are: 
             a really big kitchen with tons of counter and storage space. 
             a BIG ASS pantry.  i mean just freaking huge.  i HAAAAAAAAATE having to store food on the counters because it won't fit in our cupboards.  it drives me up the wall. 
             a pool.  i love swimming, and when i was growing up we had a pond near by, and we spent the whole summers swimming.  i loved it.  i want the same for LS (by the way, that's what i'm calling my living son...LS).
             an awesome deck.  again, i love being outside in the summer, so this is a must. 
             other than those 4 requirements, i think it would just be kind of a standard house.

3.  start a nonprofit.  this is TOTALLY my dream.  i had this epiphany about a year after Charlie died.  it was such a DUH moment.  i don't even know what brought it on, but i remember standing in the kitchen and thinking, "ah haaaaa!!! THAT'S what i want to do with my life".  so i went out and bought a book on how to start up a nonprofit, i talked to an accountant, a lawyer, a few other people that have started them, and you know what?  starting a nonprofit is really damn intimidating!  i got so overwhelmed with how much was involved that i didn't even know where to start.  then that whole stupid money thing came in.  of course, you need money  to start a nonprofit, of which, i have none. so, i haven't given up on my dream, but it's on hold for now until i'm at a point in my life where i'm working and can actually save something for this.  so once i do start a nonprofit, i want to do all sorts of shit.  here are some of my plans...
            make bereavement boxes for NICUs and maternity wards to give when parents lose a baby.  it is devastating to me that some parents don't get anything when they have a baby that dies.  it downright pisses me off that a lot of hospitals don't have any kind of a bereavement program in place. you dipshits, not every baby pops out healthy and happy, and it is your responsibility as a care provider to help a family through this. 
            make care bags for NICU families.  i want to put things in there that i found myself needing when we were in the NICU. 
            EDUCATION and AWARENESS!!!!!  i also have this dream of traveling the country and speaking to groups about loss and raising awareness about it.
            i have lots of other things that i want to do, but it's getting really damn late and i'm really damn tired.  but, basically the mission of my nonprofit would be to help families that lose a baby, and to raise awareness about infant loss. 

4.  establish an awesome college fund for LS.  i would want to give LS all sorts of stuff, but i think it's really important that he learn the value of hard work and that chances are you're not going to fall ass-backwards into money, so you better be ready to make it using your own skills and determination. oh shit, i hope he doesn't look to me as a role model for that one!  i know the value part of that sentence, but just haven't quite gotten around to the earning concept of it. 

5.  get the biggest, baddest digital SLR camera out there.  i mean just a frigging awesome one, with different lenses and everything.  i actually don't know anything technical about photography at all. all i know is that i absolutely love to take pictures, and i really want something better than my little point and shoot. 

6.  do something totally awesome for the ronald mcdonald house that we stayed at.  i don't know what this totally awesome thing would be, but it would be awesome. 

7.  some other things i would buy for myself......covered ice cube trays for the purees that i've been making for LS.  jay isn't really a fan of me using our regular trays because then we run out of ice.  these cool fish stickers i found to decorate LS's room.  a massage a month (or maybe one a week...i mean, i am a millionaire right?).  picture frames for these awesome black and whites i've been printing out.  TONS of stuff from shutterfly.  another car seat to put into jay's car.  oh, and for about 6 years now i've REALLY been wanting that matching necklace and bracelet set from tiffany's.  you know the one that like EVERYONE had 10 years ago, with the heart thingy?  so i might be a little behind the times when i get it, but i've wanted one for so long. 

8.  travel.  some of the places i want to go are......the grand canyon, las vegas (because i think i just kind of have to as an american),  amsterdam (to see the tulips...not the red light district), anywhere in europe, quebec city, british columbia, tahiti, the british virgin islands, london....hmmmm....there's more, i know there are. 

that's about all i can think of for now.  will someone please respond and tell me what you'd do if you won the lottery???  i'm totally counting on you my core group of 5 followers!  that's right, 5.  pretty soon i'm going to have to take off my shoes and socks to be able to count all my followers!